Post #2 of my infertility series.
I know this topic is emotional for some people, but I felt the need to share snippets of my journey for those going through it or grieving the loss. Whatever our situation, isn’t it always nice to know we’re not alone.
Although my stories are a reflection of my personal experience, my husband is very much a part of what I share. Yes, women tend to feel it deeper for many different reasons, but I’m not the only one in this relationship grieving the loss of our unmet dreams. Both of us were involved.
Make no mistake, he hurts too, we just handle it differently.
The following is an excerpt from my book in the making:
On the heels of me saying we couldn’t get pregnant I was ready to punch the next person who said, “just relax” as they recounted story after story about someone they knew who conceived because they weren’t trying so hard.
If one more person asked if we were going to adopt, I would scream. And if I had to hear yet another story about somebody who knew somebody who became pregnant after they adopted, as if adopting was the only answer for one’s loss, well, I didn’t know what I was going to do. Probably cry again.
Would you tell a person who recently lost their spouse you have a blind date lined up for them, or a woman who lost her baby, she can have another?
In the immediacy of the wound, the fact was we were grieving the loss of our own unmet natural dreams.
Although I wanted to scream, it occurred to me most people felt helpless. Their heart-felt advice that came freely like casseroles at a funeral was their way of offering help and hope to my hurt.
I learned that there is no formula to how or when one grieves their loss. And when they are ready to forgive the loss, they will choose whether to adopt or to marry.
The wounds and the choices are personal.
Stressed? Try not to be stressed when fun and intimacy are taken out of what should be fun and intimate with my husband.
Every month I was reminded I’m a woman by my cycle.
Yet every month the lack of conception reminded me I wasn’t a mother. Basal temperature, hormone shots, timed-sex, blood tests, doctor appointments continued.
Post#1: Infertility: The Hope of Spring
Post#2: Infertility: No Stress Here
Post#3: Infertility: The Empty Mother’s Day Womb
Tammy Sue,
Our paths were so similar – I knew God put you in my path for a purpose! My husband and I had been to doctors, did the basal deal, they looked for a tumor on the pituitary gland, etc. Finally we were told that we would never be able to have children. I was heart broken at the time and thought we had accepted that and were ok. My husband. a recovering alcoholic, became close to a single woman with two small children. When the children started calling him daddy – he was elated, but our marriage was over. Long story short – for some reason of God's grace – I became pregnant at 38! My doctors were astounded. But I knew God had a plan – and I am so blessed to have my son!
Patti,
How remarkable the similarities. I'm sorry for your heartbreak, yet how sweet is God's redemption for you and your son! I pray our stories will show another woman or couple that they are not alone and that our God does have a plan. Jeremiah 29:11
My dear, sweet, Tammy Sue. I am truly sorry for being one of those people who suggested adoption. It was out of love for you and Curtis; nevertheless, not what you wanted to hear at the time. Your writing is pure raw emotion. I wait for the day when I'll have a signed copy of your book in my hands.
Dear Mom, aka Linda, I know it was out of love.It's the most natural response a person gives to people. It's just over time, I came to realize the sting of the loss had to be grieved first. And you will be the first (or second after my husband:-) to get a signed copy of my book!