From the fire came the laughter as the pain bled out its cry. From the ashes reared the mystery of the tears that never water. Why should they? So instead they falter. And when the hurt becomes so common that it’s numb to what it’s not, and the sigh no longer sighs because it’s breath is caught on guard, the knees no longer crumble and the heart is hardly stirred, that’s when someone sings to silent night and when you finally hear you are moved. So in response, barely a whisper, hoping you are heard, you whisper in your silent night, “all is calm, all is bright,” ~ until you pause and question … is it really? That is when the voice casts its false shadow as it shouts you back to darkness, mocking, “how foolish that you think you would be heard.”
But you did hear.
You whispered.
You are the one that sang a silent all is calm and all is bright.
You are the one that wants to cry out against the heavy dark night that wants to swallow you alive. But darkness can’t exist where there is light. Where there is hope.
You are the one that feels alive because of your numb pain.
You are the one that holds your breath because you know that something matters. The cry that is dried up ~ cries because it is seeking truth and light.
You matter.
You are seen.
You sang all is calm, all is bright and you were heard!
Talk to somebody, cry it out, walk it out, breathe it out, pray it out, but keep a light on.
Don’t you see? You are real. You exist. Your situation may not be the classic idyllic holiday setting you think you should have right now, at this day, at this time, at this moment, but it doesn’t mean you aren’t seen or heard. It is just that this is where you are at today … so keep a light on.
When melancholy floods your head with lies of yesterday, keep a light on.
Rather than wrestle with the dark and its voices that don’t know you, commune with the One who gives hope to the world because He always keeps His light on.
When you don’t feel like singing or talking or walking, why not get some crusty ole french bread. In your despondent silence shout out of your pain ~ and shout at your pain ~ until it scatters to the far corners and cowers with the shadows.
When you can’t scream anymore, break bread and dip it into the reservoir of your pain, giving thanks that you are alive and trusting that you are being heard!
And if all you have left to offer are crumbs, then dip crumbs because it means you are alive and fighting.
Your pain matters.
Your broken heart matters.
Your grief matters.
Your loss matters.
You matter.
Just remember … the darkness cannot exist where there is light.
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it!
Be Encouraged
You might also like my post titled: The Dis-ease of Christmas
CLICK HERE TO READ my December 2015 post – The Dis-ease of Christmas
Amen sister!!!!♥️🙏♥️
I’m struggling a bit right now. Is it because its Christmas time , I don’t know really. I don’t like it much but I also don’t know how to get out if here, this sad place. Seems silly since I am surrounded with so much joy. I see it , I want it , but I don’t feel it. I fake it. Who wants to hear about my issues, my loneliness, my sadness, at such a joyous time of year. I should see the light in this dark place since I know Jesus , but I just can’t find him.
Dear Lyn, I struggled with posting this blog on Crusty bread because I feared sounding negative and heavy during the holiday season. But if it’s to be joyous, then why is there more depression this time of year? Why do I struggle? I can’t be the only one so I wrote it in hopes to let people know they’re not alone. While the sadness is real it doesn’t mean one is crazy, rather very alive. Everyones reasons are different, but I believe some introspective digging can begin to get at roots. And if you need a shoulder, I do want to listen and hear you. Girl cave?
Thanks Tam,
There is so much sadness at a time where there should be joy. I’ve come to expect the wave of “just get through this, January is just around the corner”. Although I don’t exactly embrace the blasé that I inevitably feel it is a reminder to reflect on the why’s. I am forced to remember the things I push to the recesses of my mind all year until in December I can’t keep pushing. I think of my dad who was dying during Christmas many years ago, or the 12/14/12 tragedy In my town, and other less monumental but still consequential events. It forces me to speak to God, to thank him, to trust him. Knowing too that God never wastes our pain but uses it to strengthen and grow us.
The melancholy is familiar, it reminds me, like you said, that I am alive.
“break bread and dip it into the reservoir of your pain, giving thanks that you are alive and trusting that you are being heard!”
I put on December’s fog like a moth eaten old sweater, I can’t wear it outside my four walls but I can throw it over my shoulders and remember the whys.
Thank you for knowing that God wants you to be real to encourage others to be real as well! I love you!!
d
Tammy, thank you for writing this and sharing it; especially, at this time of year. Yes, we celebrate the birth of our Saviour. And, we rejoice in that. We also are human beings and live in a world with many trials. Some of our wounds run very deep. This is the time of year when we need to be sure to look out for one another and lift one another up.-especially, at this time of year. One way to heal is to help share our story and listen to the stories of others. I facilitate a mutual self-help / bereavement group. Lynn, If you would ever like to join us you are more than welcome. Feel free to private message me. 211 is also a great resource for Bereavement info and mental health resources. Merry Christmas!
Wow! Wow! And Wow!! It IS crazy how many feel down this time of year. And it’s sad that that’s the case. All the more reason we need Jesus!! I’ve been struggling WITHOUT it being this time of year. I’m loved, I’m working, I’m alive! There’s no “real” reason for the sadness that creeps up. I find the busier I am, the less I feel it. No time – gotta keep moving on. But when I stop, I wonder what’s wrong with me? There’s a MYTH that Christians are doing something wrong if they feel this way, because afterall, Jesus is in our hearts and lives so what’s the problem? That is a MYTH!! Make no mistake about out. Just like all the grieving steps, we feel what we feel and that’s o.k. However, we need people around us for consistent love and encouragement. The ‘issue’ doesn’t need to be talked about or the focal point. Especially since so many of us can’t even identify the ‘issue’. But we have to remain healthy in our grief/sadness, and allow ourselves to be around others – not holed up in our own 4 walls or worse yet, in our own heads 24/7. I think it’s o.k. to fake it and put on a smile without feeling it. That’s how we love our enemies, right? Make it a verb. Go through the actions. The feelings may come – or they may not. Just make sure there is someone you can confide in that is aware of what you’re truly feeling. Because of Jesus, we have this time of year to celebrate life. May we all keep that as our focus as much as is possible to do.