Dad’s Aren’t Perfect

…so stop trying. Swallow your pride and let go of false expectation of yourself so you can become the best dad you were designed to be!

No matter how hard we strive for perfection, we will fail at something and then we feel guilty, inadequate, or we try even harder and still fail. So stop trying to be perfect. Rather, live your life with integrity and the best you have to offer with the truth of your heart.

I am the oldest of three siblings and the daughter of a dad who abused me. The abuse and anger made for not a great father-daughter relationship. Mom always tried to smooth things over by saying, “He really loves you ya know” and “Don’t you know, you’re the apple of his eye”. She knew he loved me because her memories of the good times referenced when I was mostly four years old or younger.

Apple of his eye L to R – Tammy Sue & Cyndi Jo I don’t blame mom for clinging to the “good times.” But sad for me. I missed out on knowing the man she knew and loved in the early years of their marriage before he went south. Before Darvon and booze mixed with his self-pity helped him push his family away.   This post isn’t meant to be a bummer but encouraging.   Perhaps my dad would have shown us his love if he had different friends to hang around with. Or if he had a mentor to show him another view of life. Or if he tried a little self-expression in conversation versus tearing the house apart.   Maybe if he had tried a little church and gave faith a chance to work, his shoulders wouldn’t have felt so heavy and burdened. Perhaps he wouldn’t have been as weary from his baggage. My dad had a lousy childhood, a disability and was placed into foster care. Rough start for sure.     I sure don’t know the answers because everyone’s story is different, but I understood that he tried to be a father with what little he had to offer. But I know from being on the receiving end, that his pride and anger and hurt pushed us all away. And towards the end his last words and actions to us were ugly, mean, hurtful, and damaging. A Father’s rejection can leave a huge hole  in a person’s heart …  and if left unchecked,  the pain risks oozing it’s infection from  generation to generation… Our family has had some victory! My brother who was rejected by our father, has set forth to be the best dad he can be for his son. To love and protect him and grow and learn with him.  My brother Mike – 1970’s absent father                Mike and his son Monterey – 2006   Mike and Monterey – Nov 2017  Dare to be the Dad determined to  show his family love and  Dare to believe that your fatherhood is important to those around you!   As the daughter of a father who never got to know her…aka…me, I would say this: None of us are perfect. We all try and fail and try again and make mistakes, but by God’s grace and new mercies every morning, we have another shot at it and we do have victories!     Pause, look up and fight for your hope in your tomorrow. ~ whether you are the dad, step-dad, foster-dad, play the role of dad ~   If you have children, let them know you love them. If you’ve made a mistake, tell them you are sorry. Pride puts up walls. Honesty breaks them down and sheds light. Expectation and lack of forgiveness kills everything. If you have a daughter, don’t complicate it,  just let her know she matters and consider telling her why. Telling her this will help make her future choices and the road she travels less bumpy.

1970 Father’s Day Card – cover

1970 Father’s Day Card – inside

Link to post titled: Are You a Father?

Link to my memoir Wounded Song